Skulduggery Pleasant : Dead Men Tales
by S.P.Forever
Summary: A story about the Dead Men set in 1792. But they use and wear modern day stuff Alysha Sparks is a special girl in a special way! Rated M for language and sexual referances! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Dead Men:

My right boot connected with his ribs and he felt to the floor with a grunt. The rest of the guys started laughing and I smiled.

"So Skull, what did you say before? You could beat me?" He just grunted as a response.

Oh sorry i should introduce myself I'm Alysha Spark, Member of the Dead Men gang in the Mevolent War. And I'm Skulduggery Pleasant's sister and his wife's, Artois, best friend, that's how they met I introduced them. Now they live happily with a daughter, Capri.

At the moment we were in the Fight room in the Germany's Sanctuary. They had 4 days until they were going on a mission to follow Serpine's 2nd army men. So until then we had some free time.h

I smiled triumphantly and went and sat on Vex's lap.(btw i'm engaged to Dexter Vex) He kissed my check. Skulduggery got up and walked out the door. In the room all (except of Skul) the Dead Men where sitting on the floor me, Dexter Vex, Hopeless, Saracen Rue, Ghastly Bespoke, Erskine Ravel, Anton Shudder and Larrikin.

"You know he's in a strop don't you?" Dexter whispered in my ear.

"I know he'll get over. I've beaten him since he was 5!" I turned around on his lap and gave him a long soft passionate kiss.

"GET A ROOM!" I heard Larrikin shout, i put up a middle finger to him still kissing Vex. Everyone chuckled.

**General Point of View**

Al and Vex broke away and smiled at each other. Hopeless was making a paper plane then drew something on it. He aimed and threw it at Anton. It hit him on the head, he turned slowly towards Hopeless looking very scary. Hopeless just smiled at him. Anton opened the plane and a small smile came on his face. He threw it at Ghastly well tried to throw it at him it went up but carried on straight into Cornival Deuce's grip.

"You guys are so childish! Al i just saw Skulduggery stomping down the corridor you didn't beat him up again did you?" He asked narrowing his eyes.

"I'm sorry sir, it's an addiction." She smiled innocently. Dexter chuckled so Alysha smacked his chest softly then kissed him.

"Please break it up, I'm going to be sick!" That was from Ravel.


	2. Chapter 2

That night Vex and Alysha were in bed they had their own double bedroom everyone else had singles. Alysha had her head resting on Dexter's bare chest, she could hear his heartbeat it was soothing and relaxing.

"I love you" She whispered

"I love you too" came back the answer. They both were hot and sweaty and exhausted. (a/n not going into a description of what they did but you know) Alysha had put a spell on the room so it was soundproof. Alysha was an Elemental but she could also do a couple of adept safety spells.

"you...are...amazing!" Vex said in between gasps.

"Thanks babe" She moved her head up and kissed him. He kissed back with not much energy.

"Night we'll have an us day tomorrow yeah?" She wanted some time with her fiancé.

"Okay babe sounds nice!" He kissed her again then turned off the light and seconds later they were both asleep.

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Alysha woke up slowly. She looked up to find Dexter still asleep..

"Dex... babey... come on time to get up" she stroked his his cheek kept his eyes closed but spoke

"I need a kiss to wake up properly!" Alysha sighed but gave him a peck.

"You know your a great kisser?" He opened his eyes and smiled.

"How do you I kissed you it could of been Larrikin or Erskine?" A smile crept onto her lips.

"Because Larrikin knows if he kissed me he would be dead and Erskine's don't state like that" Her jaw dropped.

"How do _you_ know?"

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Alysha walked into the main room it had sofas and tables and chairs. Every Dead Man was sitting inside the room. Skulduggery was talking to Shudder and Ghastly. Larrikin was messing around with Hopeless. Saracen had his eyes closed and was sitting a chair. Erskine was reading a book on the sofa. Dexter walked in infront of Alysha and sat next to Skulduggery on the floor. Alysha walked up to Erskine and sat next to him.

"So Erskine I heard you kissed Vex last year?" He slowly looked up at her, everyone else has stopped what they were doing to look at Ravel even Saracen opened an eye. Erskine's head snaped to Dexter.

"You told her!?"

"She made me!"

"How?" Skulduggery was a detective so he had to atleast ask one question.

"She said... She said if i didn't she wouldn't ... have sex with me" he whispered the last bit.

"Wow Al thats low " Ghastly commented

"Yeah! Harsh!" Saracen stated now both eyes open.

She shrugged "I got my answers, anyway back to the subject are you gay?"

"NO! I was drunk, Dexter was drunk it was one of thoughs moments i want to forget!" His head went into the book he was reading.

"Its okay Ravel" She patted his back in a comforting way "He still remembers how you taste" Shocked eyes turned to Vex

"ewwwwwwww!" That came fron Shudder

"Thats weird man!" Larrikin stated all the boys kept insulting him until Alysha spoke up...

"ALL RIGHT GUY, CUT HIM SOME SLACK!" everyone huffed and went back to what they were doing before.


	3. Chapter 3

__This chapter is abit crap but it just shows how close the Dead Men are. Like i said its abit crap! So don't hate me please.

* * *

_The next morning..._

"VEX I'M GOING FOR A RUN!" She shouted into the bathroom.  
"OKAY BABE" She heard him shout over the sound of the water in the sink. She walked out and down the corridor.  
She was wearing a sports top so short it could pass as sport bra. And super short shorts and running shoes.  
Her stomach had a six-pack so she looked quite good espcialy with the muscles on her arms and legs. She walked  
past an adjoining corridor and heard some wolf whistles. She stopped abruptidly and turned to look down the corridor.  
At the bottom were 4 german soldiers.  
"I'm sorry what was that?"  
"You are hot!" He answered in a german accent  
"You guys do know I have a fiancee?"  
"So?"  
"And i could kick your ass to next week?" They all laughed.  
"Yeah right"  
"Okay let me prove it you four go against four of my quadrant?"  
"Bring it 10 minutes in the Fighting room"

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_10 minutes later in the Fight room..._

Jo walked in behind her all the Dead Men. The jaws of the german's fell.  
"You didn't say you were the Dead Men!"  
"Oh sorry didn't you know?" Jo answered him innocently."Your not going to drop out are you?"

"Or are you chicken?" The Dead Men chuckled behind here.  
"Bring it!"  
"Okay have it your way" She shrugged and stepped forward. Next to her Skul, Ghastly and Vex stood up.  
"I'm going to enjoy this!" Skul said.  
"Me too" Ghastly added.

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_5 minuted later..._

Skul was leaning against the wall his apponant unconcious on the floor, Ghastly was sitting on his unconcious man.  
Vex's man was in a window on the other side of the room. But Jo's was concious and being pinned up against the wall by Vex and Jo.  
"So you still think I can't beat your ass to next week?"  
"No miss"  
"And will you wolf whistle to my fiance again?"  
"No sir"  
"Good"  
"Go on, Vex punch him!" They both heard Hopeless shout.  
"Please don't sir I have learnt my leason"  
"So?"  
"I wouldn't dare do it again!"  
"Okay you can go but if I hear or any of us hear about you doing something to another women or even man we will come after you. Got it?"  
"Yes miss"  
"Let's go guys" They all whooped and walked out the room.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning...

"VEX I'M GOING FOR A RUN!" She shouted into the bathroom.  
"OKAY BABE" She heard him shout over the sound of the water in the sink. She walked out and down the corridor.  
She was wearing a sports top so short it could pass as sport bra. And super short shorts and running shoes.  
Her stomach had a six-pack so she looked quite good espcialy with the muscles on her arms and legs. She walked  
past an adjoining corridor and heard some wolf whistles. She stopped abruptidly and turned to look down the corridor.  
At the bottom were 4 german soldiers.  
"I'm sorry what was that?"  
"You are hot!" He answered in a german accent  
"You guys do know I have a fiancee?"  
"So?"  
"And i could kick your ass to next week?" They all laughed.  
"Yeah right"  
"Okay let me prove it you four go against four of my quadrant?"  
"Bring it 10 minutes in the Fighting room"

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10 minutes later in the Fight room...

Jo walked in behind her all the Dead Men. The jaws of the german's fell.  
"You didn't say you were the Dead Men!"  
"Oh sorry didn't you know?" Jo answered him innocently."Your not going to drop out are you?"

"Or are you chicken?" The Dead Men chuckled behind here.  
"Bring it!"  
"Okay have it your way" She shrugged and stepped forward. Next to her Skul, Ghastly and Vex stood up.  
"I'm going to enjoy this!" Skul said.  
"Me too" Ghastly added.

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5 minuted later...  
Skul was leaning against the wall his apponant unconcious on the floor, Ghastly was sitting on his unconcious man.  
Vex's man was in a window on the other side of the room. But Jo's was concious and being pinned up against the wall by Vex and Jo.  
"So you still think I can't beat your ass to next week?"  
"No miss"  
"And will you wolf whistle to my fiance again?"  
"No sir"  
"Good"  
"Go on, Vex punch him!" They both heard Hopeless shout.  
"Please don't sir I have learnt my leason"  
"So?"  
"I wouldn't dare do it again!"  
"Okay you can go but if I hear or any of us hear about you doing something to another women or even man we will come after you. Got it?"  
"Yes miss"  
"Let's go guys" They all whooped and walked out the room...  
"Thanks guys! The only guys allowed to wholf whilste and ger away with it is you guys" She kissed Vex's cheek "well maybe not get away with it"  
Suddenly..  
"Arghhhh!" Alysha fell to floor clutching her stomach. A tear fell down her cheek. "Al what's wrong?" Asked Dexter worried.  
"hmmmm" She bit her lip to stop any more tears to come out. "What's wrong with her?" He looked desperatly at Skulduggery.  
"I don't know, Hopeless and Larrikin go get the doctor please?" They nodded and ran down towards the infirmary.  
"Al it's going to be alright Just, come on sit up against the wall" He guided her, by under her arm, to the sat up and cried out again  
and doubled over.  
"It's okay" Said Erskine. Then Anton "You're going to be fine" Ghastly offered to go get Corrival Deuce and Vex agreed.  
The German sanctuary doctor came running to her, Larrikin and Hopeless behind.  
"Okay, miss" He bent to eye level with her "let's get you to the infirmary" He picked her up, Skulduggery helping. With Vex behind, they walked  
down the corridor and through the infirmary doors. They found an empty bed and layed her on it. Dexter and Skulduggery were told to wait outside  
with the rest of the men.


	5. Chapter 5

5 hours later...

Dexter, Skulduggery, Ghastly, Ravel, Shudder, Larrikin and Hopeless were in the waiting room. Vex was up pacing across the room. Skulduggery was sitting perfectly still on a chair with his head in his hands. Hopeless and Larrikin were playing a game of cards on the floor. Anton was asleep, sprawled across 3 chairs. Ghastly and Erskine were just staring into space. Deuce walked through the door. "How's she doing?" Everyone looked at him but only Skulduggery answered "We don't know" Deuce sat down next to Erskine. Dexter looked at him.  
"Sir, you don't have to be here? I know you have a lot of work" He lifted his to make eye contact. "nonsense! Alysha is a part of my quadrant and a friend. Besides I can't be bothered to work so I gave it to my assistant" Everyone chuckled.

2 hours later...

The doctor walked out. "Mr Vex please follow me" He obliged. He caught up and walked in step with him. "What's wrong doctor?" He looked into Dexter's eye "I'll let Miss Spark explain to you" They walked into her room and she was on the only bed in there.

"I'll leave you two alone" The doctor left. Al turned her head and looked at Dexter with wet puffy eyes.

"Al what's happened?" He walked over to her and sat on the end of the bed "Please tell me"

"I was... pregnant... and the...doctors...don't...know if...i've lost...it or not" She finally said through sobs. Dexter was in shock she could tell. He was staring at the crying Alysha.

Wait! Crying?

He snapped out of his stance and gave her a bone crushing hug.

"It's okay babe" He whispered into her hair. "Whatever happens I'm going to be there with you"

She sniffed and looked up from his chest. "Thanks babe" By now she had stopped crying and was justing leaning against his chest. there came a knock from the door and the doctor came in.

"Miss Spark, Mr Vex I have the results of our tests" They both nodded and broke the hug but Dexter kept an arm around her shoulders so the doctor continued

"The cause of the pain was a hit to your abdomen, your child is perfectly healthy" A smile broke out on Alysha's face she looked up to her fiancé who had the same emotion: Happiness.

"Do you want me to keep it?" She asked him

"I want whatever you want"

"Okay keep it" The doctor smiled

"I have informed the others as asked and I will tell them that you are keeping it" He left.

"Wow Dex I'm going to be a parent" He looked at her and smiled

"_**We're**_ going to be parents" They both smiled and lent against the bed that was tilted up.

"Hey Al, Congrats!" they looked over to the door where Larrikin was walking over. Behind him Hopeless who had a massive smile the same with Skulduggery.

"Well done, guys. I'm going to be an uncle!"

"Thanks guys" Dexter said

All the Dead Men and Corrival Deuce gathered around to talk to the parents-to-be.


End file.
